Category Archives: Work

The Best of Life @ U of T (according to me)

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Well I’m sad to say that this will be my last post for the Life @ U of T blog. What a crazily-awesome year it was and I honestly have no idea where the last 25 weeks went. I’ve had a blast being your Faculty of Arts & Science Student Blogger and I hope you guys got as much enjoyment in reading my posts as I had in writing them.

For my last post I want to do a “Best Of” the blog over the past year — featuring a favourite post of mine from each of our lovely bloggers. If you have never read Life @ U of T before these posts are a great way to start!

Abdullah — “oppression, equity and politics” — In this post Abdullah tackles the sensitive subject of equity — or lack thereof — that sometimes has a tendency to surface in the student sphere. While we can all be proud to claim that U of T is a highly diverse and multicultural school, we also have to be cognizant of the fact that sometimes situations of inequity arise and Abdullah does an excellent job in addressing an instance in which he experienced it firsthand.

Ishita — “The Art of Forgiving Yourself” — In this post Ishita discusses the pressures many students experience — especially in their first year — to do well at the U of T and the feelings of failure many of us inevitably face when we fall short of the goals we have established for ourselves. Ishita reminds us that mistakes and missteps will happen and that’s OK, so long as we learn from our experience and leverage it for the better.

Lesia — “Hey U of T, it’s time to get moving!” — As the Physical Activity Blogger I find all of Lesia’s posts highly important and relevant to me personally (as someone who tends to neglect the gym…and every other form of physical activity). The tendency to simply hunker down at your desk and neglect exercise, indulging in less-than-optimal eating habits as a coercive mechanism to get you through your readings or that big assignment is very strong for many of us. Lesia reminds us of the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle and many of her posts feature the free services and activities available to students in pursuit of it.

Lori — “Raise your hand!” — In this post Lori discusses strategies you can use to try and make yourself a bit more engaged in class discussions — in an attempt to get those ever-tricky participation marks. Her advice is highly relevant, especially for upper-year seminar courses where large chunks of your grade require you to do something many of us dread: public speaking.

Sarah — “Post-Grad Blues” — In this post Sarah does an exceptional job encapsulating how many of our fellow graduating students may be currently feeling. Come May 1, many graduating students will be — for the first time in their lives — completely without the life-structuring mechanism school provides. In addition to this, many students may also feel torn about what exactly the want to do post-undergrad, with different forces pulling them in different directions.

Shak — “TTC? Why man why????” — In this post Shak discusses (or perhaps rants would be a more optimal phrase) about the one transportation service we all love to hate: the TTC. As a commuter myself, I found Shak’s post highly relatable and funny — well worth a read for all those who have, at one point or another, felt slighted by the Toronto Transit Commission.

Vahini — “College Governance 101” — Vahini offers a great introduction to all the various student councils that govern each of U of T’s disparate colleges. In a school as large as U of T, it’s important to know what governing structures are relevant for you! This post is actually part one in a three-part series and her posts about Councils and Unions and Student Societies are worth checking out as well!

Vivian — “The Breakfast Club” — In this post Vivian discusses all the benefits of having a healthy breakfast before going about your day. As someone who tends to neglect this important meal, I found the post very insightful. We are all told how breakfast is ‘the most important meal of the day’ and Vivian demonstrates this!

Of all the posts I’ve written this year I would have to say that my post “Surviving the Winter: Tips for Commuters” is one of my favourites as commuting to school in the winter can be a tedious and downright awful experience for many of us — especially when you consider the fact that winter in Toronto last from November to April (apparently).

I hope you have all found value in reading this blog — I know I have — and if this is your first time on the site be sure to check out all the posts I mentioned above! I’d like to thank the Faculty of Arts & Science for giving me the opportunity to write for all of you as well as the Office of Student Life and the entire Student Life Community Crew for being such a wonderful and awesome group of people!

- Matteo

Life, leisure and graduation

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When it came to writing this week’s post, I must admit I had difficulty determining what exactly I was going to write about. As the semester draws to a close, “life at U of T” is more or less winding down as classes end, students begin hunkering down in Robarts for hours on end and campus organizations begin making preparations for next year’s activities. I am myself writing this post in-between working on two major assignments, with my calender rife with red ‘ASSIGNMENT ‘X‘ DUE TODAY’ ink — I don’t expect I’ll be getting much sleep over the next three weeks.

I ended up deciding to write about fun. More specifically the anticipation of fun to be had in the future — once we all can finally close our course books and breathe the fresh air that is the freedom of leisure time.

That is ultimately what we are all striving for, right? The opportunity to lounge comfortably. All of our hard work, all of our efforts, sleepless nights, stresses, tears, anger, frustrations, can be grounded in our desire to pursue something for its own sake because we wish to pursue it. This is true in the immediate context as well as in life generally.

For many, the summer months encapsulate this idea. From May to August students everywhere relish in not having to commit themselves to coursework, stress over exams, or write assignments. They can more or less do what they want when they want and put their “academic” or “professional” life on hold for a few months. This situation is somewhat less true, however, for graduating students like myself as we must supplement this time we feel we should be devoting to leisure — something we have in all likelihood done for as long as we can remember — with figuring out the rest of our lives. Perhaps this contributes to some of the fears that many graduating students currently hold. (For a great post on this topic you should read Sarah’s ‘Post-Grad Blues‘.) Feeling not only fearful of the unknown — or “what comes next”  — in addition fearing that whatever does come next necessarily lessens the amount of ’”free” time we have available to us. I’ve said it before; growing up sucks.

And yet, despite how sucky it may be, we have to intelligibly keep our wits about us. While we have to be mindful of what our lives will look like post-June 2013, we cannot let it occupy our every waking moment. The idea that “free” time exists is misplaced; there is no such thing. All time is precious and all time should be spent in pursuit of whatever makes you happy. This isn’t to say that hardships and roadblocks won’t emerge along the way in pursuit of your happiness — again, growing up sucks — but such things are more or less inevitable and are a part of the vigor of life that makes living so interesting in the first place.

To the graduating students out there who may be feeling lost, confused, hopeless, or useless: Be confident in the skills and abilities you have gained through your time at  U of T and seek to succeed in life, whatever it throws at you. You are smart, you are resourceful, and view an unclear future not with fear and disdain but with opportunity — an opportunity for you to leave your mark, pursue leisure, and be happy.

Life is, after all, what you make it.

- Matteo

The ‘Busy’ Phenomenon

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The last week has been so busy, fraught with essays, midterms, and presentations galore.  What got me through the week was repeatedly reminding myself that Reading Week – and the glorious time off associated with it – was just around the corner.  And so, on Friday, I found myself done and ready to enjoy some much-deserved relaxation time.

All I could say last week

But, instead of enjoying my time off to relax and unwind, I found myself getting antsy and agitated.  And I came to a realization: I’m addicted to being busy.  It’s what I do all day, all the time.  I feel useless, anxious and upset whenever I don’t have something to do or somewhere to be.

I’m sure I’m not alone in this.  We live in a society that prizes busy-ness; if we’re not busy, we’re being lazy, not making the most of our time.

This phenomenon is especially prevalent amongst students.  Between classes, extra-curriculars and work, we’re always on the go and always thinking about the next thing(s) we’ll have to do while doing something at that very moment.  Whenever we’re asked how we’re doing, the standard response has become “Good. Busy.”  In fact, it’s almost become like a competition between students to see who’s got more assignments/tests/papers due in any given time with the winner being the person that seems to be the most overloaded with work.  Simply ‘being’ doesn’t seem to be within our vocabulary anymore (at least not in a non-cliché way). At the same time, we get tired of being busy, always chugging away at our pile of work in anticipation for that next holiday or school break.  It’s an unhealthy, unending cycle of busy-ness and tiredness.

But what does it mean to ‘be’?  It’s certainly not the first time I’ve been advised to ‘be’ but, I have to admit, this concept frustrates me because I have no idea what that even means.  But it’s a concept that intrigues me because, as much as I love the adrenaline rush from constantly being busy, the constantly moving lifestyle I’ve chosen isn’t making me happy – I’m not happy with myself when I’m not working and there’s something wrong with that.  When did I come to associate my own value, productivity and success with how much I could schedule into a day/week/month?

As great as they are, yoga and meditation on their own won’t solve all our problems (although it certainly can’t hurt).  But maybe it’s time to start reassessing why we’re always too busy.  Moreover, what are we ‘too busy’ for?  Where’s the balance, if any, in our lives that’s so essential to our mental and physical health and well-being?

Unfortunately, I don’t have any answers.  But I’ll end with some food for thought from the ever-wise Mr. Han from the Karate Kid (the new one): “Being still and doing nothing are two very different things.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts on ‘busy-ness’ in our society and, especially, campus.

- Vivian

mo money mo problems

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Life at U of T is not always easy. Sometimes, you might say that we go to the University of Hard Knocks. Alternatively, you might say we go to Ball So Hard university, because we are that awesome.

Rent, books, tuition and commuting don’t come cheap. Throw all that stuff in with the stress of keeping up with school and it can be a lot to handle. Solidarity with all my students in the struggle. When we have to tighten our belts, it’s easy to get frustrated with the situation befalling us. It seems as though sometimes, we are paying more and more for our education and are getting less and less. It’s an argument I hear reverberate across the lecture halls and common rooms of our campus. Sometimes though I hear a different variation of this argument. It goes something like this.

“Hey Joey! Did you catch the Varsity Blues game last night?”

“Ya, Steph. I did. Crazy eh? Western lost like a bazillion to nothing.”

Shane walks in.

“Varsity Blues? Is he that new kid who sits in the front of our ANT100 class?”

Audience laughs hysterically.  

“No, Shane. It’s our school team. Didn’t you go to the pep rally?”

“Oh please, Steph. I only frequent the finest pre-[insert professional program here] clubs on campus. I don’t participate in such games. Why do I have to pay for people to score touchdowns in quidditch hoops.”

“Oh, Shane. Let’s go to Starbucks before we head to Professor Radditch’s class.”

And with that our heroes join the line of other tired students at the Robarts Starbucks establishment.  Stay tuned for the next episode of U of T: The Next Generation. 

THUMBS UP FOR BAD DEGRASSI REFERENCES.

This is a discussion I hear far too often at U of T. Students complaining about how they have to pay for services they don’t use. Often, the argument goes: I don’t have a lot of cash to spend, so why should I spend it on services I don’t use? Why can’t we make all levy fees opt-in as opposed to opt-out? At the surface, this looks like a rather compelling argument. I mean, who doesn’t want to save money? But upon further inspection, such an approach would do some serious damage to our already fragile student life at U of T.

First off, U of T is a big school with a lot of services. As such, running those services, whether they are administered by the university, the UTSU or our student groups, is a costly venture. If students wanted to form a club on campus, but could only find 10-15 students that shared their interest, under an opt-in system – nobody would be able to get clubs funding. Services like the Athletic Centre and Hart House would become pricey and vital campus media outlets like the Varsity and CIUT would also likely fold due to lack of funds. U of T operates like a government – you might not get to experience everything that you pay for, but your fees help to add to the sense of community U of T has and the student experience here. Also, if you had to pay individually for the services, you would be less likely to pay for them. Under the current system, because you pay for the services with your tuition, you get to experience all U of T has to offer without restriction of individual memberships and payments for things.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t have say in what you fund. There are some things that you can opt-out of, if you disagree with its funding. You also have a say in whether levy fees get extended or introduced and that brings me to my final point. Next week, the Varsity is having a student referendum on whether to extend its levy fee by $1.00 Regardless of your position on the issue; you should vote and let yourself be heard.

While I think the cost of education is way too high, I think our efforts are best directed at tuition fees themselves and not the services we pay for. Doing the latter implies that for students to get financial relief, they must sacrifice their university experience to do so. And that wouldn’t be fun.

Have a good week, U of T!

- Abdullah

Outgoing Advice

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It’s 2:47 AM, Sun Airway’s “Put The Days Away” is blasting into my eardrums and I’m attempting to write a deep and meaningful post for you all to read, start this semester off with a bang, you know?

Truth is, I don’t really know what to write about this first week back of the new semester (and my final semester here at the University of Toronto…as an undergraduate, anyway). It’s bittersweet in a lot of ways; graduating I mean. While first semester was very fruitful in terms of my academic pursuits, other things have began to fall to the wayside as I have become steeped in attempting to get the most out of my classes. As someone who is facing the prospect of graduation for the second time in two years, I have some advice to offer my fellow graduating students. While it is always good to remain studious and engaged in your courses — especially this late in the game — you are beginning the final four months of your undergraduate life and there are some other, perhaps equally important, things you’ll want to be mindful of:

Friends

While Robarts can be enticing with her long hours, many floors, and plethora of research materials, she will never be able to replace those people who you have grown closest with over your time as an undergraduate student. Time with Robarts will be necessary in the coming months, to be sure, but be equally sure to spend some quality time with your friends and close peers. These very well may be your final weeks to do so.

Your Post-June Life

Before you know it, if not already, you will be caught up in the busyness associated with any semester — let alone your final one. While it is ideal to stay on top of your readings and course assignments, be mindful of the fact that come July you’ll be a free bird; out in the wild and expected to fly on your own. The question for you is, however, will you have any place to fly to? I’m not asking you to decide your entire life at this very moment, but it is good to have some future plans post-graduation; be it a summer job, further study, or starting your career. By this time you should seriously begin to start thinking about what your life will be like with the social safety net of “being a student” no longer applicable come May 1st.

Enjoy It!

More than anything else, try to simply enjoy your final semester here at U of T. Despite the fact that your course work will be demanding, the weather will undoubtedly almost always either be cold, grey, dreary, or rainy, and you’ll eventually have to face that gnawing anxiety at the back of your consciousness that you are growing up and it really sucks; — these are ultimately your final few weeks at this wonderful, prestigious, and world-renown university, make them count!

- Matteo

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ on my mind…

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This school year has been full of new experiences. As I get into my upper years, expectations are higher and the work load has increased substantially. Sometimes I feel as though all I do is write essays…like the three months has been one long research paper. I’m also experiencing what I like to call the third year hump. The honeymoon is over, I can’t remember a time in your life when life didn’t revolve around readings and papers and exam schedules. Yet,  I can also see the light at the end of the tunnel…only one more year of course work and in my particular program one more year after that of professional placements.

All of this is new and exciting, and frustrating, and confusing, but the biggest difference between this school year and the two before is that this was the first year that I didn’t receive any outside funding for my education.

This has introduced a completely new kind of stress into my life. Now I’m super stressed out about school and money. I’ve  always been given enough funding to pay my tuition, but this year as the November 15th, “pay the rest of your tuition or we’ll start charging you more interest than a Canadian Tire Options Mastercard” due date drew near, and with 30% of my tuition still owing, I was forced to take action.

I walked straight into my registrar and declared in a proud voice that I was really broke and needed money.  The process was a lot less painful than I had envisioned.

I filled out the form, did the little budget calculations, and I was done. The response to my application from the financial aid office at my college was “wow”, which I interpreted, as “you are really broke”.

I’m still waiting for my approval for funding, but I am hopeful that I will receive some aid.

I have been so stressed out about money, that it has really been affecting the quality of my school work, but ever since I visited my college and pleaded for funding I have felt like a
weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I don’t think I even realized how much stress is was causing me until, the stress dissipated.

I have been so productive in the last few days and I’m feeling hopeful that my financial situation will soon improve.

If you’re stressed about being broke, and the November 15th deadline (which has already passed) you should visit your college’s registrar. Even if you can’t get direct funding from them they can point you towards scholarships that you might qualify for. The awards homepage for the University has a whole list of awards and applications. Just know that many of the deadlines for applications are November 30th, 2012.

Good luck with your search for money…it’s out there, you just have to find it. If all else fails I’m asking Santa for some dough! (cue Santa Baby)

-Lori

this st.georgian life

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Very mundane. 

This week, I had an essay and an assignment due in my Statistics class. I have a midterm on Tuesday, and I spent my weekend studying for it. A mundane description of mundane items in the itinerary that is the week of a student. Of course, I don’t need fancy English to tell you this — this time of year, with its grey skies (I love grey skies though) and flurry of papers and midterms feels rather mundane and boring. It can feel like we are Dilbert, creatively constrained by the walls of his cubicle, or like Garfield, unable to muster the motivation to get out of bed. This week wasn’t stressful, but again, just boring. Or at least that is what I thought.

Before you think, omg he must have, like, raced Daniel Craig down a Rocket subway car or played football with Tom Brady on Main Campus or broke the news of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s breakup; alas, I must tell you that sadly I did none of that. But I did have a nice week, and a nice realization that came with it.

Now, before we continue, make sure you are dressed up warmly, seated comfortably and have a hot drink in your hands (preferably hot chocolate). Do that, cause at the end of this post it will be raining happiness.

This week, before my morning commute based on the recommendation of a professor, I downloaded a podcast for the ride. It’s called, This American Life. It’s not really about America and I highly recommend it. Anyhow, basically it’s a podcast that takes a topic and examines it through the storytelling of five different non-fiction narratives. It’s what radio used to be before television. As I was watching the trees and houses pass by, listening to this podcast, I felt happy because I realized listening to that podcast – that life, it is filled with the diverse narratives of other people. When you realize that your story, your narrative is part of the lives of other people, is part of the grand narrative that makes up this little blue marble that is our planet - you don’t feel so insignificant. So that was Thursday morning.

Thursday evening, I attended a games night for course union executives (shout out to all of the CU executives and the ASSU executive and staff). The room booking people didn’t book the room properly, so we ended up setting up in the Canadian Studies office. Nobody played any games, we just talked and ate Subway (yes, free Subway. A student’s dream). But the conversations reminded me of the diverse narratives that exist on this campus. We study different fields, we have different interests, we eat different foods – we are unique individuals with something to contribute and this makes for great conversation. It is easy to get lost in a campus that sometimes feels robotic, and humanless. But all we have to do is reach out and connect with our fellow students. That might just be as simple as following up on your “Going” status on a facebook event.

We all need to do our best and study hard in school, but it’s always good to take a step back and appreciate the small things in life. The people around you, hot chocolate with an old 80′s sitcom, a good book, coloured socks. Give yourself reprieve, do what makes you happy, even if this is dancing late into the night to Celine Dion/Lionel Richie.  Because life is about working, yes, but it’s also about taking joy from it. Remember, life is too short to be spent being negative robots.

When we feel insignificant or insecure, unsure about our lives: we just have to remind ourselves that our voices matter and that our story is a unique one that makes up the fabric of not just our campus, but of our world.

 

How to link to LinkedIn

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On Wednesday I got a chance to swing by the Career Centre’s LinkedIn Workshop, the second installment of their Social Media Series, hosted by Perry Monaco, a Recruitment Product Consultant with LinkedIn. It was also probably the most useful workshops I’ve had the pleasure of attending in the last few years, and the Career Centre’s workshop page has easily become one of my favourite tabs. I am no longer (too much of) an awkward turtle with networking…at least not online anyway.

LinkedIn is the largest professional network in Canada, with 187 million members worldwide and 2 members joining per second. Canada is actually the fifth largest national network on LinkedIn (which is pretty impressive considering our population next to countries with populations like ‘Murica). The fastest growing demographic on LinkedIn also happens to be students and new graduates, and when 95% of jobs found in Canada are done through networking, it’s definitely a site you want to be on.

While I have a LinkedIn account, I haven’t really done much with it. To be honest, I found it completely overwhelming, which was ironic considering how much time I spend on Facebook & Twitter. LinkedIn, I came to learn, is a lot like being set up on a blind date, which in many cases with today’s day and age, you’d probably want to do a little google snooping beforehand. Imagine finding nothing except an oddly suspicious super pixelated picture on google images? Similarly, with an employer looking you up, a LinkedIn profile is the best way for them to find out a little more about you. This is something important to remember for generation-insta-tweet-like: your online presence should be the reflection of how you want to be portrayed to the world.

  • LinkedIn is not Facebook (I realized this very quickly. Did you know there’s an option to see who has looked at your profile and vice versa? Imagine if Mark Z got creative and did that!? The horror…) The picture you choose to put on your account should reflect the kind of person looking for a job, not a probable political scandal waiting to happen circa 2020. It also means that you should probably use your real legal name. Perry advised keeping it as simple as possible in order to get rid of any obstacles an employer may have finding you.
  • Get recommendations, especially since paper is so 2008 and the actual credibility of a recommendation, where profiles of who recommends you is easily accessible, and much more legitimate/not your best friend running to get the phone as your former supervisor.
  • Join groups, apparently LinkedIn has somewhere around 1.2 million groups, and you can join up to 50 groups and 50 more sub groups. They should be industry specific for you, and by participating in them, it can help people and other professionals connect with you.
  • Connecting with people can be anyone you want to connect with, including past professors, employees or classmates. One thing Perry pointed out –which I’m guilty of not doing- is specifying how you know the person you hope to connect with. It’ll ask you as soon as you send the invitation, don’t ignore it.
  • Building your network is one of the primary features of LinkedIn, and your first-degree connections (FB equivalent of friends) are like virtual handshakes. Friends of friends are secondary contacts, but still count as part of your broader network. Eventually, you could have a network of thousands of people, but it’s important not to let it become a numbers game. Perry stressed the importance of a quality network over one full of quantity, so don’t fret about connecting with your Rogers customer service rep, local teller or milkman. The colleague from your work-study last year will probably have more fruitful resources.

Because I already had been on LinkedIn, I didn’t find it to be as much as an information overload as someone who’s never been on, although even after registering it was still a bit of a maze. Luckily, LinkedIn helps you work through it.

And, since it is November and all, and most of us are the storage warring PDF’s like it’s the Gold Rush all over again, here’s a useful LinkedIn etiquette guide from career services.

Finally, I present to you my last gift- LinkedIn’s student job posting arena, where employers can post openings for free, that have to be entry level. It’s also why it’s important that if you’re out to get connecting, you get your LinkedIn going early, because as soon as you’ve finished reading this at least 600 people have joined LinkedIn.

A 5th year: should you do it?

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With the school year in full swing, many of my upper year readers may be beginning to think about what it is you want to do after you graduate, or – perhaps more specifically for 4th year students – where you will be one year from today. The prospect of facing graduation can be exhilarating and exciting, but also highly stressful if you do not have any particular visions of where you see yourself once you leave the Ivory Tower. The four years you spend at university really do fly by and perhaps you are simply not ready to move on. Maybe you need more time to figure things out and feel that the academic setting is the optimal place for you to do so. This was the case for me and my experiences in deferring graduation and deciding to take a 5th year of undergraduate study.

While taking five years to fulfill a four year degree program is becoming fairly common nowadays, the decision to enrol in that 5th year is an important one and requires many considerations (especially for those of you considering a 5th year who may not necessarily “need” it to graduate. If you have structured your entire undergraduate experience around graduating in 5 years – or more for that matter – that is a different situation. I primarily hope to speak to those students facing a situation similar to mine a year ago – being fully credited and prepared to graduate but not 100 per cent sure if they should actually do so).

A major reason why I decided to take a 5th year was because I simply did not know what to do with myself after June 2012. Do I want to enrol in graduate school? What would I study? Should I try my hand at the job market? Would I even be able to find a job? Do I travel, take some time off? But I don’t have any money, how will that work? These are the questions I found myself considering. I ultimately decided that I didn’t know what I wanted and the best bet for me was to remain within the university system until I could figure things out. This is why I took a 5th year.

So the question is, would enrolling in a 5th year be right for you? I have briefly outlined some of the benefits and issues I have recognized in my experiences as a 5th year student to help you answer that question:

Benefits of a 5th year:

  • Remaining within the ‘system’ of the university: there is a definite benefit to staying within the institution of the university as you figure out what to do with yourself. The university offers a number of great resources which can assist you in making those all-important life choices and there is something intrinsically motivating about being surrounded by, and engaged in, an institution of higher learning.
  • Knowledge! If you’re like me, you have a certain affinity of learning for learning’s sake. More time spent in the classroom will inevitably increase your knowledge and ability to sound smart around others.
  • Opportunity to try new things: the university is a great place to try new projects or initiatives! Why not take the extra time a 5th year allows you to try something new!
  • An opportunity to increase your GPA: the more classes you take, the more grades you receive, the better your overall academic standing could be!

Issues with a 5th year:

  • The risk of lowering your GPA: the more classes you take, the more grades you receive, the lower your overall academic standing could be.
  • Staying back as your ‘year’ moves on: those friendly/recognizable faces you have remembered seeing in class/around campus over the past four years will be gone as the majority of those students will have graduated. There is something to be said about the comfort of being in a familiar place surrounded by familiar people. Also, be prepared to feel slightly old in your classes (especially if you plan on taking any 200-series courses or lower).
  •  Costs involved: this one is two-fold – a) it costs a considerable amount of money to attend university, and b) your time in university necessarily withholds you from entering the job-market full force. An extra year of studies means an extra year of living off a student’s budget.  Not to mention the costs in time – a 5th year is an extra year of your life spent in “university” world which is quite distinct and different from the “real” one (or so I’m told, anyway).

I hope that by laying out some of these considerations I can help you come to your own determination of if a 5th year is something that would be best for you! It’s a tough decision to be sure and, if nothing else, you can hopefully find some solace in knowing that you aren’t alone in making it!

Matteo

Reality Check: I Screwed Up BIG TIME—Now What?

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Friday morning, I thought to myself, “I wish I’d never woken up today.” I cried myself to sleep the night before, and woke up to cry some more before my class at 1. For a brief moment, a crippling darkness swallowed me whole. Every step I took felt heavy, as if it were my last. I found myself drowning in the kind of pain found only in mourning. A nothingness surrounded me. For a moment, the abyss gazed into me.

Why?

Because I did not do good enough on the LSAT… again. This time I fell harder because the night I received my score was the night before Canadian law school applications were due. I am used to failure, but this time it was different. This time I had to tell my dad, in the hospital. This time, it was a deciding factor for law school acceptance. This time, almost everyone I knew wrote it too, and will be asking me all week how it went. This time, I felt like I aced it, only to find out I let blind optimism fool me.

I’ve been telling my parents all month how my score is going to be awesome, how I’ve got law school in the bag, how I am not stressed with school or post-grad plans. A lot of my friends in fourth year have been doing the same. Why do we belittle our student hardships when our parents ask us if we are OK? I do it because I don’t want to stress them out about the unknown or the weight of my ambitions—that is my burden to bear. Having to tell my dad was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. He told me not to cry because losers cry and I am a winner. He told me to screw law school and spend my life studying Hegel. He said that all he wants to do in the world is eat and drink water right now, but he can’t; and so, I need to add some perspective to my score and evaluate whether it really is the end of the world.  I know it’s silly, but a part of me thought that giving him the good news was going to help him recover faster and that’s why I let the pain swallow me whole. I let my parents down…big time. Underneath their pep talks, I sensed a subtle panic. Now what? We came all the way to Canada, for this? My mother worked night-shifts for this?

I just felt like the biggest loser.

But in this darkness, I experienced something beautiful. A text from my spirit-guide Jessica told me I should not evaluate my worth through the success/failure dichotomy. And that moment right there, put into motion a shift in consciousness.  I realized that I am not a machine—whose worth is determined by its efficiency—I am a human being. What represents my worth is not the number of As on my transcript, the number of titles on my resume or the number LSAC emailed me. I let the post-grad planning process dehumanize me and lost myself in the stream of becoming; and now I’m TAKING MY HUMANITY BACK!

I explored that thought on my commute to school and something even more magical happened.  As I was still in deep thought, I ran onto the subway train only to hear “this train is out of service the doors are closing, stand clear of the doors.” I ran out, JUST IN TIME. I hastily got on a path, I thought was the right one and got off at the absolute last second. The universe was telling me something. All I had to do was listen. That thought led to a life-changing REVELATION. I felt like I touched the fourth dimension – the energy in my body was definitely out of this world.

What makes humans so miserable is that we get so caught up in trying to actualize our own plans, that we forget about the universe’s plan for ourselves. And when the universe’s plan conflicts with our own, we lose ourselves in the darkness—a state some never arise from. Why did a part of me inside light up when my parents gave me their blessings to pursue a PhD in political science? Why did I experience that subway moment? Why were there so many technical difficulties when I tried to pay for my law school applications?

When we fixate ourselves on actualizing a dream, we became slaves to it. My LSAT score was the universe’s way of freeing me from this slavery. After this realization, every step I took felt weightless—almost purposeless. No longer did I stomp my heels into the ground as if I had a world to save. Only when we get everything we’ve ever wanted, and lose it can we experience true freedom. All I wanted was to figure out how to actualize my purpose, I learned that last week, and this week I realized that I just won’t be able to actualize it with my LSAT score. When the universe’s plan and our own plan collide, a beautiful space of freedom is born. We are freed from the slavery of actualizing our own ambitions. We end up in this space of the unknown—which is not necessarily devoid of purpose. In this space, we are free to just be. No longer, am I living for tomorrow. I have no idea what the rest of my life entails; this thought both terrifies and excites me. I could commit myself to Hegel, or I could go to Birmingham for law or UCL, or I could become a professor, or I could…..the paths are endless. Everything feels possible again. This isn’t a positive spin on an unfortunate situation. Darkness just loves to follow me around. But, only in darkness, can I experience moments of sheer brilliance and enlightenment. I’ve surrendered myself to the universe and am ready to try out true actuality. I misunderstood Hegel.

Actuality isn’t about setting out to externalize the goals in your head—trying to materialize your will. Actuality is that beautiful unity between essence (when the process of reflection mediates a new contradiction in your life to come to a new understanding of things) and existence (the understanding of one part as belonging to the whole, and through its interaction with other parts). Basically, actuality is the way my reflection mediated the contradiction between the universe’s plan and my plan and helped me understand the value of just “being in the world” or my place in the larger web of life. Or something like that.

I’m not saying that everything is pre-determined; of course we have agency in creating our world (after all, products of our will transcend our immediate existence). I think that the way the world unfolds is something we shouldn’t try to desperately disenchant by foolishly fixating ourselves on outcomes called “goals” to try and gain more control over our lives. We create our existence as it is meant to be created, knowingly and unknowingly. No matter how hard I try to actively pursue “the lawyer” dream, where I am meant to be will not change—nor will I come to know the future more clearly. Our will is something internal to us, something not absolutely known by us, but still in motion. It works itself out in our actions, our thoughts, our deeds. The way it is expressed is not something we have complete control over, but it still plays a huge role in shaping our reality. (still ironing out the kinks in my philosophy)

Blindly being. That is what I will be doing for the rest of my fourth year. For the first time in my life, I feel free.

 

-Sarah