They are here.
Can you hear them? I can hear them. I can even smell them! Their papery little bodies quivering with laughter as they loom ghoulishly in the shadows, waiting to tear into me with their sharp claws.
All right, so we all know I have serious problems that involve associating exams with monsters. But as I put aside my … personal issues, I wish to address an important area of concern.
Students always ask, “How can I get an A on my exam?” And in the multitude of online sources available, I find that students who are aiming for a mark between C+ and F face significant prejudice. Therefore, I’d like to offer some assistance. Here are
Eight ways to guarantee an exam mark between C+ and F
8. Past exams: Place yourself on the extreme end of the spectrum and decide that looking for past exams is either a complete and utter waste of time, or the only useful study method.
7. Professor’s hints: Decide that the hints the professor gives in class about the format of the exam are totally lame and unnecessary. Do not to write them down, or ask anything about the upcoming exam, particularly when the professor mentions that she or he will be taking questions about the exam in the last class (this upcoming week!). Who cares what the format is? You still have to write it!
6. Filtering: Convince yourself that you know exactly what is important and what’s not important to study for the exam, and filter out the wastage — all those lecture notes and textbook chapters that the professor just “felt like” assigning. Consider that, in fact, you know best, and the professor is really being quite silly when she says “study everything.”
5. Scheduling: You are way too cool for a schedule, and you know it. The rest of the world may need to plan, but you certainly don’t! What sense would there be in actually sitting down and planning out your study schedule for the exam break (Dec. 5 onwards)? Be confident that you’ll just know, with perfect precision, how much time to study for each exam. Don’t jinx it and actually make a plan.
4. Lectures vs. textbook: Stick with your view that the textbook is merely a detailed version of the lectures and has absolutely nothing new to offer. Why read it when you could skim through the lecture notes instead? Be efficient: ignore the possibility that not only is the textbook an enhancement of the lectures (or vice versa), but it’s also crucial to your learning. Remember that there isn’t any special way to read the textbook to gain maximum benefit from it. Futhermore, don’t even consider looking for additional resources and testing material, such as the CDs that come with texbooks, or online sources such as sample tests and reviews (for example, the study guide for this commonly used psychology textbook). You know what everyone else knows — extra practice and studying are a total waste.
3. Party it up: There always seems to be confusion about this, so I’d like to set the record straight: The best time to party is always during exam study periods. Fewer crowds, shorter lineups at clubs, more cops per partying youth available to give you a ride when you get too drunk — all these benefits come only during exam time. Enjoy! And don’t limit yourself to parties. You know those winter boots you wanted that just went on sale? Or those hockey tickets you have for the night before your exam? This is the time to kick back, my friends. Meet up with other pals, go on dates, check out newly released movies. This silliness about students “buckling down”? Don’t be a sheep. Don’t be a follower. Be a leader. Don’t study.
2. Discourage Others: I hate to tell you, but your friends are totally lost — they think studying is worthwhile! Ridiculous, I know! Good friends don’t let other friends study during exams. If you’re a really good friend, you should ask, in a disapproving voice, “You’re studying now when you should be out partying?” I know there is only so much you can do to help them, but I encourage you to try.
1. Study the night before: Better yet, don’t study at all! Believe that everything you heard in class was ingrained in you via the magical osmosis that occurred while you sat there half-asleep. You know how it is — you’ll sit there with the exam in front you and, magically, you’ll recall the professor’s exact words from day one. Why study and cramp your style?
The above tips should have you covered. It’s highly recommended — most successful C+ to F students will agree — that you employ more than one of the preceding suggestions to ensure a satisfactory result.
So shoot for an F! If you fall short, you’ll get a C-. ** Not the end of the world.
Good luck on exams, lovely UpbeaT readers! 🙂
** Disclaimer: Results not guaranteed. All transactions final. UpbeaT bears no obligation or responsibility to justify or reverse your mark.