The week after reading week, A.K.A, the week everything was due. And I have yet to meet all the deadlines and the week is now long over. Yep, I dropped the ball. Not because I am a lazy or irresponsible student, but because I just had so much going on outside of school that I just couldn’t focus enough to perform my duties as a student. The last month has been full of hospital hopping, loooooonger hospital shifts and many setbacks in my dad’s recovery. And I don’t know how to explain to my profs that sometimes I just can’t come to class or finish an assignment on time because of reasons I hate having to give again and again.
I can’t tell a prof that the reason I couldn’t finish this assignment was because I’ve been having nightmares and flashbacks which have been hindering my ability to focus. They will think I’m a pity case or am always making excuses. I can’t just tell a prof that I was in the building of the class at the time of the class but just couldn’t come to class because my heart was beating louder and faster than it should and a two-hour discussion was something I could not endure. I can’t tell fellow club executives that I feel overwhelmed with all of my extracurricular commitments because that would be letting them down. And I can’t tell my employers that the reason I’ve been MIA is that I feel like my life is falling apart and that I’m slipping through the cracks. I just can’t. Even if I do, they won’t be able to understand the kind of pressures involved in my situation. And I hate asking for help, making excuses and being such a flake.
And I don’t want to share such personal details with the my professors, employers and colleagues but I have to in order to explain to them my flakiness. Sometimes I just want to scream LEAVE ME ALONE, you’ll get the assignment when you get it, I don’t care about the late penalties. And I did that for a bit by ignoring emails, assignment deadlines and running from myself. But I know how irresponsible that is and I really need to prioritize my grades and commitments again.
I think what I need to do is speak to my registrar again and ask for accommodation. Suffering in silence got me nowhere. I’m also going to start communicating my needs better to my profs, employers and colleagues and stop feeling so guilty about my situation. And Im also seriously considering moving my graduation date to November 2013. I don’t know how but somehow I’m going to get through this. I’ll figure it out. I always do.
All I have to say to you this week is: Don’t suffer in silence, U of T.
I did that for a week. And it just made everything a bigger mess. There are people here who care! And even if they don’t totally understand your situation, if you tell them, or communicate to them what kind of help you need, then they can locate better-suited accommodations for your situation. Don’t be ashamed of your baggage.