Introduction

Eight ways to guarantee an exam mark between C+ and F

Eight ways to guarantee an exam mark between C+ and F

They are here.

Can you hear them? I can hear them. I can even smell them! Their papery little bodies quivering with laughter as they loom ghoulishly in the shadows, waiting to tear into me with their sharp claws.

All right, so we all know I have serious problems that involve associating exams with monsters. But as I put aside my … personal issues, I wish to address an important area of concern.

Students always ask, “How can I get an A on my exam?” And in the multitude of online sources available, I find that students who are aiming for a mark between C+ and F face significant prejudice. Therefore, I’d like to offer some assistance. Here are

Eight ways to guarantee an exam mark between C+ and F

8. Past exams: Place yourself on the extreme end of the spectrum and decide that looking for past exams is either a complete and utter waste of time, or the only useful study method.

7. Professor’s hints: Decide that the hints the professor gives in class about the format of the exam are totally lame and unnecessary. Do not to write them down, or ask anything about the upcoming exam, particularly when the professor mentions that she or he will be taking questions about the exam in the last class (this upcoming week!). Who cares what the format is? You still have to write it!

6. Filtering: Convince yourself that you know exactly what is important and what’s not important to study for the exam, and filter out the wastage — all those lecture notes and textbook chapters that the professor just “felt like” assigning. Consider that, in fact, you know best, and the professor is really being quite silly when she says “study everything.”

5. Scheduling: You are way too cool for a schedule, and you know it. The rest of the world may need to plan, but you certainly don’t! What sense would there be in actually sitting down and planning out your study schedule for the exam break (Dec. 5 onwards)? Be confident that you’ll just know, with perfect precision, how much time to study for each exam. Don’t jinx it and actually make a plan.

4. Lectures vs. textbook: Stick with your view that the textbook is merely a detailed version of the lectures and has absolutely nothing new to offer. Why read it when you could skim through the lecture notes instead? Be efficient: ignore the possibility that not only is the textbook an enhancement of the lectures (or vice versa), but it’s also crucial to your learning. Remember that there isn’t any special way to read the textbook to gain maximum benefit from it. Futhermore, don’t even consider looking for additional resources and testing material, such as the CDs that come with texbooks, or online sources such as sample tests and reviews (for example, the study guide for this commonly used psychology textbook). You know what everyone else knows — extra practice and studying are a total waste.

3. Party it up: There always seems to be confusion about this, so I’d like to set the record straight: The best time to party is always during exam study periods. Fewer crowds, shorter lineups at clubs, more cops per partying youth available to give you a ride when you get too drunk — all these benefits come only during exam time. Enjoy! And don’t limit yourself to parties. You know those winter boots you wanted that just went on sale? Or those hockey tickets you have for the night before your exam? This is the time to kick back, my friends. Meet up with other pals, go on dates, check out newly released movies. This silliness about students “buckling down”? Don’t be a sheep. Don’t be a follower. Be a leader. Don’t study.

2. Discourage Others: I hate to tell you, but your friends are totally lost — they think studying is worthwhile! Ridiculous, I know! Good friends don’t let other friends study during exams. If you’re a really good friend, you should ask, in a disapproving voice, “You’re studying now when you should be out partying?” I know there is only so much you can do to help them, but I encourage you to try.

1. Study the night before: Better yet, don’t study at all! Believe that everything you heard in class was ingrained in you via the magical osmosis that occurred while you sat there half-asleep. You know how it is — you’ll sit there with the exam in front you and, magically, you’ll recall the professor’s exact words from day one. Why study and cramp your style?

The above tips should have you covered. It’s highly recommended — most successful C+ to F students will agree — that you employ more than one of the preceding suggestions to ensure a satisfactory result.

So shoot for an F! If you fall short, you’ll get a C-. **  Not the end of the world.

Good luck on exams, lovely UpbeaT readers!  🙂

– Fariya

** Disclaimer: Results not guaranteed. All transactions final. UpbeaT bears no obligation or responsibility to justify or reverse your mark.

9 comments on “Eight ways to guarantee an exam mark between C+ and F

  1. Is it bad that I’ve actually done some of these? For example, I actually did go on a dinner date the night before my physics exam in first year.

    LAWL.

  2. @Lucy: Well, I don’t necessarily think its bad. For example, the dinner date could be a great way to relax before a big exam. Sometimes people need a “quick fix” and going out for dinner could be a great thing.

    I think the issue is when these as combined with other things (hence the disclaimer) – if you haven’t studied enough and you go on a dinner date, thats a really, really bad idea because you could use the extra time, right?

    So it does depend on the circumstances 🙂

  3. love this post!

    here are some additional study tips from ANT204 from Prof. Jermyn

    1. Don’t come to the exam jacked on stimulants… I mean the legal kind.

    2. Coffee will make you wired, like a squirrel – “I’m up! I’m up! where’s the nut?”

    3. Study in different places. study outside if its nice. Then you can look up and say “oh! there’s a tree.” and then look at your notes and learn something.

    4. Don’t cram. we know who you are by the way. we can see from the front of the room who the crammers are. We go, oh! There’s a crammer, that person hasn’t slept in 3 days! We know you are probably going from the exam to the emergency room.

  4. Mei!

    Awesome comment! A close friend and I have a particular problem with trees.

    We’re the kind that go

    “Ooh, a tree!”
    “Okay, okay, back to work.”

    Two seconds later …

    “Ooh a squirrel!”

    and then “Ooh, can you feel the breeze?!”

    “Look at the sun!”
    “Is that cloud shaped like a bunny?”

    And then we get to the exam, and somehow, nature isn’t quite so fulfilling then 🙂

    Great tips – thanks for the comment!

  5. Could this article be “Eight ways to Guarantee an Exam mark between C+ and A”? Because it’s confusing to have to think the opposite of what you’re saying; who the hell wants an F?

    Ok, I guess it’s not that hard to do.

  6. Hey Stanley,

    Thanks for the comment – I guess in midterm/final exam season, the title could have been a little more straightforward.

    I guess, I prefer it to be a bit of a conundrum, you know? Work those “little grey cells”, as one of my favourite detectives Hercule Poirot would say!

    Cheers!

    Fariya

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