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Are Baseball Players Actually Aliens?

A baseball game takes place under a cloudy sky.

Unlike last week, my activity this week involved a sport I actually like!

On Sunday afternoon, I watched the Varsity Blues baseball team play their last game of the season. They played against Wilfred Laurier University for the Ontario University Athletics provincial championship title and totally crushed it, winning eight to three!

I went with friends from one of my clubs in order to cheer for our friend who plays for the team (shout-out to number twenty-four!). My favourite part of the game was watching the Blues interact with each other. Since we were sitting near the bench, we got to hear them shouting jokes, performing elaborate high-fives, and generally screaming with glee as the game went on. It seemed obvious that the team is full of strong friendships and that they have a lot of fun together.

To that end, I noticed some strange behaviours among the baseball players and have concluded that they might be an entirely different (taller) species than the rest of us. I would like to know:

  • Why do baseball players always wear white pants? Is it so that the stains they get from sliding on the red clay are more obvious?
  • Beyond that: why do they try so hard to get dirty? I noticed some players rubbing their hands in the dirt and then putting the dirt on their clothes. Some also sprinkled dirt on the bat when they went up to hit. Why? Are baseball players secretly chinchillas who bathe by rolling in dirt?
  • Why do they chew sunflower seeds and/or spit on everything?
  • Why does the player up at bat tap home base with the bat?
  • Why was one of them carrying around a huge green fruit?

 

A line of baseball players

The Blues line up to receive their medals!

I actually got the answer to that last question. After their first game, the Blues bought a jackfruit and decided that it would be their team mascot. It wasn’t allowed to touch the ground unless they got eliminated; if they won the championship, they would smash it!

The team also used a lot of slang, supporting the theory that they speak a different language and therefore are a different species. They used baseball terms such as:

  • “Oppo Yahtzee” (or “oppo taco”): a home run hit to the opposite side of the field
  • “Golden Sombrero”: when a hitter strikes out three times in the same game
  • “Hose ‘Em”: telling someone to throw out a runner, usually when that runner is trying to steal a base

If you are a baseball player, please comment and let me know what planet you are from… the truth is out there. Also, congrats on winning the championship!

If you play a sport, comment and tell us: what’s your team dynamic like? What weird traditions does your team have?

A smiling group of people stands around a baseball player.

My friends and I experiencing alien life.