Tomorrow is Valentine’s day and I have to ask, what do you do if cupid’s arrow misses your hind quarters and you are left alone and jaded on this most commercial of holidays. Well why not call on U of T’s very own Valentine’s Day Experts!! Yes, that’s right we have experts in this too!
Let me explain…I happened across an interesting page on the U of T site. It lists the university’s foremost experts on all things Valentine’s. I found the page under breaking news…this is funny, right? I’m still not sure if this is a joke or if there are actually students out there frantically scrolling the U of T homepage for scholarly help for their Valentine’s Day woes.
Let me display what this might look like:
For instance, if you are just plain confused about what romantic love is or how to express said love then contact Keith Oatley, he’s an expert on romantic love and emotions in the Department of Human Development and Applied Psychology.
Perhaps you’ve given up on the whole idea of romantic love in the real world and instead have decided to immerse yourself in fictional romance literature. If so you might want to contact Angela Miles who is an expert in popular romance literature ie. Harlequin Romances…yes, we have an expert on Harlequin Romance!
Maybe you haven’t completely given up on love and would like to woo a potential soul mate with a love poem. Do you possess the skill to write a verse that would steal a heart? If your poetry skills do not exceed the traditional template of “roses are red, violets are blue”, then you should contact Ian Lancashire in the Department of English. His specialty is English Poetry and Valentine’s Poems!
What if you already have a Valentine’s Date…perhaps a quiet dinner and some music. Yet, you are panicked…what is the proper musical score for such an occasion. Worry not, we have an expert for that too! Just call on Lee Bartel at the faculty of Music. His speciality is choosing romantic music and the response of the body and brain to music.
What if you’ve talked to Keith and now have a firm grasp of the concept of romantic love. You’ve also talked to Ian and have composed a Lyrical and lasting valentine’s poem that wins the heart of your beloved. You’ve made the date, you’ve even talked to Lee and chosen music that will have the desired physical and mental effect of your date. What if you’ve done all this and your date stands you up and it was all for naught?
Might I suggest that you start eating the giant box of chocolates you purchased for your date. If you’d like to understand the nature of your chocolate craving and how it fills the now gaping void in your heart? Then you should talk to Janet Polivy of the department of Psychology – she’s an expert on chocolate cravings.
Okay, so obviously I’m poking fun at this “breaking news” love list, but I would love to have someone explain to me why this list exists and what purpose it serves…other than comical fodder for my post.
I’d like to think of this list a resource for all the love scorned and lonely students who are searching for academic advice on how to find love, because when my heart is breaking the first thing I usually think is “when are office hours…I need some love advice”.
Happy Valentines and I hope cupid’s arrow finds you all!