Gradlife

So it is over, the coursework, the paper, the practicum, the assignments, the (required) readings, the routine. I woke up a couple weeks ago to find this in my inbox after submitting my big research paper (the one I had trouble finishing):

“Please accept this email as confirmation that Trish Starling has completed all necessary requirements for her MTRP.”

By the time this arrived, I had attended my last class, seen a few tears, but it hadn’t set-in that it was the end of the program. I could barely recognize the end with 40-odd pages of writing my research paper still on the agenda. So I disregarded those “lasts” and got lost in my research paper knowing that until it was finished, the end was still yet to be. To celebrate with champagne before a conclusion seemed, well… irresponsible. 

So a few days later when it was all over, written, edited and sent away–the above email seemed like an anti-climactic finish to the last two years. It was a formality, of course. It allowed my classmates and I to take a breath of relief knowing that we are not going to fail our Masters program (woohoo!), but still… anti-climactic at best.

But enough of this negativity! It’s time to celebrate! A few days following the anti-climactic email came a wonderful semi-formal Grad Celebration at Chestnut Residence and Conference Centre where myself and my classmates put on our dancing shoes, our best dresses and suits and joined each other for a celebration much more suited to energy required of the last two years (the same kind of energy required for that run-on sentence!). How wonderful it was to celebrate with a group that has contributed to who I am, through their support, leadership and unending passion towards education. To dance and chat and eat with those people truly signified an end and a new beginning!

This event was something like wedding meets prom – not the extravagant decorative finishing of a wedding, but WAY more fun than prom because:

1. I am not an insecure 18 year old.
2. I truly enjoy everyone in that room.
3. I can dance without feeling awkward (relates to a).
4. I won an award.
5. I didn’t get ditched by my date two nights before (relates to a)

It was truly a great end to a great program, and a great two years with the people who made it. So, all of you! Get out there and celebrate—feel the power of the party! It’s a wonderful addition to the memories made.

A wonderful thanks to the stars of the video above — this is what a Masters of Teaching looks like at its finest : ) Also, thank you to Sama Hamid and Curtis Wang for making this video available.

I recently spent some time at the  Justina M. Barnicke Gallery (located at Hart House) to check out their latest exhibit, I Thought There Were Limits.  This exhibit “brings together five Toronto-based artists whose work engages with both the material and conceptual dimensions of space” (Exhibit brochure). Coming towards the end of my program, I myself have been considering how spaces change based on time, and our own perceptions of how we fit (or don’t fit) into them.

Accompanied by a colleague (and close friend) on our gallery visit, she mentioned her own anxieties about graduating from University (again). Anxious about losing access to certain spaces on campus, we found ourselves exploring some old stomping grounds, or new ones that we felt pressured to see (mostly because we hadn’t seen them before, and what a shame that is!).

We asked the front desk at Hart House just when exactly we will be shut-out of using the gym. We were told that it was not until May 2-4 that we would be required to pay for an additional membership. That’s still more than a month away, but perhaps a little closer than either of us would like to admit. 

At the gallery, it was Kika Thorne’s piece, Singularity (2007) that spoke to me. The sculpture itself depends its relationship with the room, or the “structural elements of the site” (Exhibit brochure). Although this piece has been shown in other spaces, it was never exactly the same, as its tensions rely on the cables, which rely on the space it inhabits. I thought about this in relation to myself, and how we assume different identities based on where we are, who we are there with, and what the space permits us to be. 

Although I will not undergo a radical change come convocation, my ability to define myself as Grad Student, as a Gradlife blogger, and ultimately someone who is successful at what I do is going to change.

My identity now depends on success in the next realm, and it requires a re-shift and re-focus. And that is a tough task ahead–but I am, and we are all capable. We humans are all perpetual shape-shifters, just waiting for the next room we can transform and take comfort in–the real trick is to find pleasure in the transformation.

Well, thesis deadline soon approaches (ahem, tomorrow) and I am finishing off the final edits of my research. Not generally a procrastinator, I have had trouble finding the right head-space to get those last revisions onto paper. I have found myself somewhat immobilized in the process, finding myself staring blankly at a computer screen until I decide [insert point in time I should be writing] just isn’t working for me (I’ll try again tomorrow). Somewhat perturbed by this out-of-character development, it was my partner who suggested that maybe it’s because somewhere in my mind I don’t want to finish THE LAST PAPER I’LL EVER WRITE (I imagine my subconscious would use caps for emphasis).

I think there may be some truth to this avoidance-of-completing-thesis-because-I-don’t-know-what-is-next hypothesis. I mean I know that there are many opportunities to keep writing and researching once my program ends. I know that further institutional education isn’t disappearing completely off the horizon ahead. Further, I know many rich educational experiences happen outside of the classroom, and new ideas are just a book or a film or a poem or a conversation away.

But there is just something about grad school, don’t you think?

In reflection, there are a few things in particular I will miss:

1. The quiet of campus (and libraries) in the summer, and the returned energy once Frosh Week hits in September.
2. Finding oneself talking for hours over coffee with a new classmate, who turns into a great friend, who you’d been missing your whole life and didn’t know.
3. Random social events that come with free food and/or drinks (“I came for the cookies!”). It’s even better when the event itself ends up being awesome.
4. The smell of spring, and getting lost in a book in the University College, or Trinity College quad (or here’s another idea).
5. The brilliant company that I have been privileged to learn from.

Reflecting on the things I will miss, I recognize it is okay to be hesitant to put it behind. An avid book reader myself, I find it helpful to remember that even the best chapters can be followed by similarly amazing ones, even if they are completely different. All it takes is the turn of the page – and in my case…just a few more revisions.

Last Wednesday my trip with GradEscapes was a far more positive affair than the last time I visited the AGO. I think I found exactly what I needed when I ventured downstairs to check out the exhibit, Life of a Craphead Restrospective courtesy of Toronto artist-duo Amy Lam and Jon McCurley.

Described as a “consistent and cogent analysis of value in art” in the exhibit pamphlet, I struggled to find words more accurate than this explanation.

I’ll be honest, the “art world” sometimes seems all too pretentious (at least to me). The genius of the Life of Craphead Retrospective is that it seems to call-out this pretentiousness, turn it inside-out, while quite loudly forcing one to confront its absurdity. That this is featured in the space of the Art Gallery of Ontario creates its own comedic irony not found had this work been featured in a space less revered in the Canadian art landscape.

I should mention that I don’t really have any idea what I’m talking about. I have never studied art (fine or otherwise) and perhaps it is just lost on me. Either way, this exhibit was comical (Lam and McCurley are also comedians) in a way that I hadn’t experienced art before. I found myself laughing and smiling to myself, thinking, “Yes!! I GET IT!”, somewhat pleased with my induction to understanding art in (perhaps?) the same way others do while walking through the more traditional exhibits of the AGO.

I also really enjoyed the contemporary art exhibit upstairs – I guess I’m just a modern art woman. The good news is that if you’re willing to go after 6pm on Wednesday evenings, you can check it all out for free.

Looking for more high culture on a low budget? The Gardiner Museum is free ALL MONTH, and the ROM features free post-secondary student admission all-day Tuesdays. 

It was 7:15pm in the Galbraith Building. About 25 students gathered in room 221 while a nervous buzz emanated. No one motioned to the table with (FREE!) fruit, cookies and sandwiches – this was obviously serious business. The competition had reached its final round, and 9 contestants remained in the Three Minute Thesis Competition last Friday.

Started at the University of Queensland in Australia, the Three Minute Thesis is a university-wide competition in which doctoral students are asked to present their research in a short engaging three-minute presentation. The stakes? First prize wins $1000 and runner-up wins an iPad, and both go forward to the provincial finals at Queen’s on April 18^th (where I imagine even better prizes await!).

I arrived at the finals from the Dean’s Graduate Research Conference at OISE, where I had just managed to present my own 2-year research project in what felt like an impossibly short 15 minutes. Rushing through my slides and covering as much ground as possible, I wondered how the competitors would be able to concisely present doctoral research in such a short time. Oh, and did I mention they were only allowed ONE static powerpoint slide, and no help from additional audio/video technology? This competition was not for the long-winded or convoluted speaker.

And yet these finalists managed the impossible – presenting varied research topics from multiple disciplines, the topics quickly moved from integrated health care to nanoparticles to post-earthquake Haitian reconstruction. Perhaps the most difficult task was presenting research in a way that was clear to judges and audience, regardless of its complexity, or disciplinary focus.

By 8pm the judges convened and the room returned to an anxious patience. The audience and participants chatted quietly while they waited. As the judges again entered, an anticipatory silence fell over the room.

In the end, it was Jasdeep Saggar who was victorious in her presentation of her research, “Hypoxia-activated pro-drugs: A novel approach for breast cancer treatment” and the runner-up went to Abraham Heifets for his work on exploring the question, “How can we make better medicines? Computer tools for chemistry.” A long day that began at 4pm, these two contestants elated in their success as they were presented their awards and shook hands. Now who says there’s no excitement in research?

Alright Gradlife blog, don’t take it personal but I don’t have time for you. No really, I don’t. I have been stressing all week about what I am going to write about because well, I have a deadline, but to be extremely honest, this deadline is last on the list of other deadlines and I was hoping that maybe something in my social life would just pop-up that would be bloggable, but the truth is, I don’t have time for a social life either, so we’re back where we were before – I don’t have time for you (and I am becoming an incoherent writer of run-on sentences and non-words such as “bloggable”!)

I went to the Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner on Wednesday. I was going to write about its history. Then I realized it’s a chain that just makes it seem like it has some cool historical stuff going on, when really it’s just an interesting set of mostly fake artifacts, that is full of young families and screaming children. Nope, not bloggable. (But their meals do include soup or salad, tea or coffee and ice cream).

Again, don’t take it personal that you are my least important deadline. I’m on March Break right now (I taught through Reading Week), and let me tell you – THIS HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST LIE OF A MARCH “BREAK” I HAVE EVER ENDURED IN MY ENTIRE SCHOOL LIFE! On this inaccurately named March “Break” I have completed 4 assignments, written 3/5 chapters of my Major Research Paper (2 more to go), applied to twenty jobs and nearly lost all sanity.

I am in some serious need of emotional endurance and there is no better place to go to meme-land to find some motivational blurbs that keep me going in the right direction. So I have provided some uplifting things to keep us all motivated while I drown in a pool of paper, methodology, findings, citations and general distaste for writing. Don’t worry Gradlife Blog, these negative feelings are temporary –it’s not you… it’s me.

Although women represent more than half of the world population, the continued structural and societal inequities women face result in the arguably Band-Aid solution of International Women’s Day. In no way do I suggest that we should do away with the day – rather I hope for a time when no longer does the marginalization exist where an annual awareness day which recognizes half of our population is necessary.

Recently, I had a conversation with a woman in her 50s about the idea of midwifery. When I expressed to her the general attitude I notice from women my age about giving birth outside of the hospital (ie: ERMAGAWD ARE YOU CRAZY?!), she was appalled. She was shocked to believe that there may have been a regression from feminism in the last 30 years. Based on my own observation and involvement with feminist issues, I very well think there may have been (this guest lecture may be a good example). I think the term feminism has been dragged through the mud so often that many people fear identifying themselves as feminists – despite their belief that women are not lesser, and should receive equitable treatment to males.

One common misconception about feminism is that it requires believing that women should “take-over” or that they “hate men”. This is simply not true. Merriam-Webster quite clearly defines the word as follows:

fem·i·nism : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes

So in the spirit of International Women’s Day and feminism, I bring to you a couple videos that may interest you, or spark your interest in a cause that is good for all of us (men included).

Watch the first part of a series called, Tropes vs. Women in Video Games. (You may also find interest in learning about the harassment that filmmaker Anita Sarkeessian has endured as a result of asking for funding on Kickstarter for this project.)

Check out one woman’s cheeky rant to Beyonce, in which she concludes – who runs the world? Not girls.

Or check out one young girl’s feelings about gender and toys.

I also highly recommended these three full-length documentaries:

1. Miss Representation
2. Status Quo? The Unfinished Business of Feminism in Canada
3. Makers

As graduate students who may be teaching classes, it’s important that we ensure that our teaching is equitable for all who enter our classrooms. Check out the workshop, Equity, Power and Diversity in the Classroom on March 19th.

Happy feminism to all of us!

As a writer, words in my world tend to carry a fair bit of weight. Earlier today during brunch a couple friends and I discussed the frustration felt when others don’t see words as quite so heavy. Needless to say, believers of the “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”, we are not.

In fewer than 110 pages, the Holocaust memoir Night by survivor Elie Wiesel manages to capture the weight of his experiences in Auschwitz and Buchenwald concentration camps in very few words. Wiesel himself suggests he feels “a moral obligation to try to prevent the enemy from enjoying one last victory by allowing his crimes to be erased from human memory” (Preface to the 2006 edition of Night, p. vii-viii). Luckily his words continue to carry that weight – perhaps most recently through a collaborative project involving 30 teachers, teacher candidates, and teenagers from West Toronto, which is now on display at Hart House until Thursday March 7th.

‘After Night’ is an art project which “uses color and symbol to explore central themes in the Holocaust memoir painted on book pages cut from the text” (After Night press release). I first learned about the project about six weeks ago when I walked into my research supervisor, Rob Simon’s office and got a sneak peak into the artwork that had been inspired by the text. In asking for the background information, Rob told me that it was the beginning stages of the participants’ collective responses to the moving text (one I’d suggest we all read).

While walking through the main hall towards the Great Hall yesterday, I was struck by the visceral power of the artwork. Exploring themes of faith, demarcation, colour and symbol, it becomes clear that this was a testament that moved the participant readers. How inspiring it must have been for them when Elie Wiesel himself responded to their project (his letter is also part of the exhibit)!

And so I feel a sense of peace knowing that for every person who does not feel the weight of words, there is another who understands the power of language. As someone who has the platform to be writing this right now, I am truly aware and thankful for the privilege.

This exhibit is on display until March 7th, in the main hall of Hart House on the University of Toronto Campus. For more information, please contact Dr. Rob Simon: rob.simon@utoronto.ca.

I grew up in a household that didn’t have cable TV. It seemed like torture to me, this absence of cable-privilege. I used to plead, “Mom, even inmates have access to cable TV!” Post-adolescence, I now understand living without cable was a well thought-out and conscious choice by my mother who believed less “good” TV meant less hours spent in front of the screen, as well as a few extra dollars in her pocket.

Alternatively, we were early adopters of this new thing called the World Wide Web (very new in ’94) and accordingly I channeled most of my TV watching hours onto the Internet. Given that you’re reading this, it may have paid off in some sense… but I digress. The point I am trying to make is I still don’t watch much TV (or movies) and when I do plop myself in front of a TV screen it tends to be to watch documentaries, because I have no problem excusing these hours as productive.

Except the problem I have with watching documentaries by myself is that I am often left feeling overwhelmed with new information, imposed on by the questions it may create, and left a little hopeless about what exactly I am to do about it. Lucky for me, Cinema Politica at U of T has arrived.

My Daughter the Terrorist was one of two documentaries screened on February 21st.

I attended the screening of two documentaries last Thursday (events happen most Thursdays, 8pm, at OISE – check here for upcoming screenings), and got in touch with Erin Oldynski. Erin is a co-founder of the U of T chapter and rather than speak for her, I went directly to the source. Here’s some prime details about the network:

What is Cinema Politica?

Cinema Politica is a Montreal-based media arts, non-profit network of community and campus locals that screen independent political film and video by Canadian and international artists throughout Canada and abroad. We started a chapter of Cinema Politica at the University of Toronto in December 2012 called “Cinema Politica U of T“.

How does the U of T chapter fit in to the larger organization?

We share access to a huge database of documentary films with the Cinema Politica network as a whole, which is made up of campus and community chapters. So we are one of many, many chapters of Cinema Politica.

How did you get involved with the Cinema Politica?

I first got involved with Cinema Politica in Waterloo, Ontario where I did my undergraduate degree. I started a chapter through the Waterloo Public Interest Research Group, an on-campus social justice organization that supports student initiatives, similar to OPIRG-Toronto here at U of T. Our chapter in Waterloo is called “WPIRG Cinema Politica: and is still up and running.

How might other grad students get involved?

We always need students to help with promotions, attending screenings, organizing discussions after the film, and most importantly, deciding what films we are going to screen! Email uoft@cinemapolitica.org to get involved.

Join Cinema Politica on February 28th to watch this film, 5 Broken Cameras.

What is the best part about being a member?

Watching awesome documentary films that you probably would not have the opportunity to see otherwise and then talking about them afterward.

And there it is! The solution to my sometimes uncomfortable feelings that occur after watching hard-hitting (but awesome) documentaries — dialogue. An important part of any action, dialogue is a key factor in Cinema Politica’s vision. Jessica Denyer, co-founder of the organization explains,

“We are not just watching films, we are also bringing in community groups to discuss the issues raised by the documentaries. This is not just a project of passively watching films, it’s also about education to take action, whether collectively or as individuals” (Source).

And so next time you feel sluggish why not attend a FREE screening and be active? While sitting and eating popcorn, of course.

Those who have been following the Gradlife blog for awhile (PS. I love you) may already be aware that I take part in the Parkdale Mentorship Initiative which engages Grade 10 students in exploring career opportunities after high school. There is a certain irony to this project, as some of us Grad student mentors are similarly finding ourselves (again!) at the decision-nexus of what to do with our lives post grad school (see last week’s post, or this one, or this one, or even this one). The truth is some of the advice we hear each week resonates beyond the ears of the mentees!

Our last mentorship session was “Culinary Week” which involved a MasterChef-style cook-off, as well as a visit to one of Parkdale’s hot dining (and dancing) spots – Parts & Labour. After welcoming us into the restaurant before noon on a Saturday, Head Chef Matty Matheson made me feel somewhat unaccomplished as the resident genius behind the tasty success of the restaurant (he may or may not be the same age as me). Not one for traditional schooling, Matty shared with us that he always worked best with his hands, and was inspired by his grandfather’s cooking and restaurant growing up in P.E.I.

Armoured with a boisterous and colourful personality, Matty was engaging as he shared with us some insight into his own career-journey. As he shared his story of discovering his passion with the mentees, I could not help but think that many of us grad students are on the same indecisive path. Although (perhaps?) closer to the end goal than some of the high school students, I am still struck with the stress of whether each decision I make is the right one. 7, 17, or 27, the path may become clearer but I might continue to find myself at a fork in the road. All I can do about that is make the most of it, do the best I can, and use that fork in the most advantageous way possible – perhaps a bit less literally than Matty did.

Looking for less philosophical advice, and interested in how to make a student-friendly meal of beans and toast? Check out Matty’s take on a student favourite here.