{"id":42420,"date":"2020-09-30T12:00:53","date_gmt":"2020-09-30T16:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca\/lifeatuoft\/?p=42420"},"modified":"2020-09-30T09:42:48","modified_gmt":"2020-09-30T13:42:48","slug":"the-overemphasis-on-having-friends-in-college-and-why-its-okay-not-to-have-any","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.studentlife.utoronto.ca\/lifeatuoft\/2020\/09\/30\/the-overemphasis-on-having-friends-in-college-and-why-its-okay-not-to-have-any\/","title":{"rendered":"The Overemphasis on Having Friends in College (And Why It\u2019s Okay Not to Have Any)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Who are friends<\/em>? Are they the people you go out with? The people you see in class and study with? The ones available during a quarter-life crisis? Or are they all the above?<\/pre>\n\n\n\n
The environment of campus life gives off the perception that you\u2019ll find your true friends in college. Countless Hollywood movies depict college life with the \u201cdream team\u201d of friends, we have sitcoms and shows based on a circle of friends (literally the titular Friends<\/em>), even the anecdotes of my high school alumni have rhapsodized success stories of finding people who \u201cget them\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But for those of us who haven\u2019t found that dream team, that best friend, or that sense of belonging, we\u2019re left to feel that we\u2019ve been doing something wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I entered my first year at U of T, I changed my introverted tendencies drastically. I was everywhere and anywhere social. I thought this spike of extroversion was what I needed to relate to people. What this gave me was loneliness, even around people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Loneliness is often associated with lack of social contact. However, one research study shows that the relationship between loneliness and number of social contacts were negative.[1]<\/a> You can know many people, go to parties, have company, yet still feel lonely. [2]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
For some people, including those struggling with their mental health like anxiety disorders, Asperger\u2019s, making friends may not be so easy. So, in environments where the necessity to have friends is prevalent, people who are struggling to make friends may feel ashamed. [3]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Extroversion isn\u2019t necessarily key to being happy either. Evidence that extroversion is linked to happiness is not exactly conclusive.[4]<\/a> Moreover, one study suggests extroverts are happier because they live in a society where extroversion is encouraged.[5]<\/a> So, when campus life is hyper-social, it\u2019s easy to see why people who aren\u2019t extroverted feel misplaced.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being alone is not something to feel ashamed of. When campus culture made me feel the need to have true friends of a lifetime, I only became a lot happier after accepting that I enjoyed my own company \u2013 that many times, I prefer being alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There\u2019s so much advice on how to be more outgoing, confident, and social. But how to be alone and<\/em> happy, you don\u2019t hear that as often. If everything starts with you, then why are we made to feel like being alone is a problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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[1]<\/a> Cacioppo, John T et al. \u201cAlone in the crowd: the structure and spread of loneliness in a large social network.\u201d Journal of personality and social psychology<\/em> vol. 97,6 (2009): 977-91. doi:10.1037\/a0016076<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[2]<\/a> Reynolds, Marcia. \u201cYou Could Be Lonely Even If You Have Friends.\u201d Psychology Today<\/em>, Sussex Publishers, 5 Jan. 2013, www.psychologytoday.com\/ca\/blog\/wander-woman\/201301\/you-could-be-lonely-even-if-you-have-friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[3]<\/a> Marston, Daniel. \u201cWhy We Don't Need Friends.\u201d Https:\/\/Www.psychologytoday.com\/Ca\/Blog\/Comparatively-Speaking\/201905\/Why-You-Dont-Need-Friends<\/em>, Sussex Publishers, 8 May 2019, psychology.com.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[4]<\/a> Reynolds, Marcia. \u201cYou Could Be Lonely Even If You Have Friends.\u201d Psychology Today<\/em>, Sussex Publishers, 5 Jan. 2013, www.psychologytoday.com\/ca\/blog\/wander-woman\/201301\/you-could-be-lonely-even-if-you-have-friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
[5]<\/a> Fulmer, C. Ashley, et al. \u201cOn \u2018Feeling Right\u2019 in Cultural Contexts: How Person-Culture Match Affects Self-Esteem and Subjective Well-Being.\u201d Psychological Science<\/em>, vol. 21, no. 11, Nov. 2010, pp. 1563\u20131569, doi:10.1177\/0956797610384742<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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