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By guest blogger: Masha Cemma, Ph.D. student, Molecular Genetics

Disclaimer: this post is inspired by a course on negotiations “How to talk to people about things.”

Being a workshop-junkie, I am attracted to all kinds of workshops that enhance my communication, project management and computer skills. Yet, when I enrolled in a negotiations workshop – I had a goal in mind. I wanted to ask my PhD supervisor something very daring – take time off for an internship to pursue my passion in global health. No one I knew in my department did internships during graduate school, so it was a bold move. Once I started learning about negotiations, however, it changed the way I approached conversations. I used the newly acquired knowledge to convince my niece to do her homework, deciding on what movie to watch at a family dinner and when/where to go for holidays.

Before I avoided negotiations because they were unpleasant, and the outcome was difficult to predict. Now, I am better prepared to handle a difficult conversation (which I still dislike). Here are some negotiations basics:

Listening is arguably the most important skill for a good negotiator! Listening allows you to understand the other person’s point of view, which is critical for striking a deal. You need to know what the other person really cares about before you can find an optimal solution. Too often unsuccessful negotiations consist of repeating one’s point of view. What is needed is a healthy mix of listening, inquiring, paraphrasing to make sure you understand the other person’s point of view correctly, and finally advocating for your own interests.

Also important is distinguishing positions versus interests. This is key! The position is WHAT one wants, and the interest is WHY they want it. When you are negotiating, it is important to figure out not only what the other party wants but also why they want it. So next time you are negotiating, explain why what you arguing for is important to you and listen for the other person’s interests. It may happen that the positions of two parties seem to be at conflict with one another, yet their interests are not, and an obvious solution might emerge upon in depth conversation.

 

Knowing the interests of both parties can allow you to create options for mutual gain. This is rare, but happened to me before. The understanding of what the other person wants gives the ability to create a solution where everyone is satisfied with the outcome.

While negotiating, keep in mind your best alternative to a negotiated agreement and only accept an offer if it is better than the best alternative. The question is what will happen if you do not reach an agreement? Knowing your best alternative and the other person’s best alternative will allow for better decisions. For some people the tendency to find a compromise is so large that one fails to notice that the agreement is not in their interest. On the other hand, if one overestimates their best alternative, they can be burned by the outcome of negotiations.

The conversation with my supervisor went well, but the confounding variable is that I have a generous supervisor who cares about his students. What I am certain of is that I became a significantly better listener and this made my life much easier. Follow Masha on twitter: @CemmaM

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For a more in depth read, check out “Getting to Yes” and “Difficult Conversations” authored by the a team of researchers from the Harvard Law School Program on Negotiations. For more interactive learning, consider enrolling in a negotiations class “How to talk to people about things” taught by Misha Glouberman or courses offered through the U of T School of Continuing Studies.

All images in this post were taken from google images.