Monthly Archives: April 2012

Why I Love Hot Dogs

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Hi everyone. Nice to meet you! I’m Crystal, your new summer lifeatuoft blogger. I’m pretty excited – it’s not every day you can say you’re blogging for U of T. How’s that for a unique resume? I’m planning to explore Toronto and U of T a lot more this summer, and am hoping that I can blog about it. If there’s anything you want me to find out about, or write about, let me know in the comments below and I’ll see what I can do. I’m not a native Torontonian, so anything and everything is an adventure to me.

I think I’ll start off my lifeatuoft blogging career with one of my first memories of U of T. They say that our sense of smell is keenly linked to our memories. For me, that’s always been the case. The smell certain laundry detergents remind me of my mom. A whiff of cologne can me remind of my friends back home. The smell of lemongrass always reminds me of Asia. The smell of hot dogs always reminds me of my first year at U of T.

One of my favourite memories of first year was figuring out that the trucks and stands were here to stay. I remember being completely fascinated with the concept of truck food. Did you really buy food off of trucks? That is actually a thing here in Toronto? Back where I come from (it’s called Edmonton – have you heard of it?), truck food didn’t exist. If I wanted a hot dog, I would have to walk across the street to the mall and get one from Orange Julius; none of that “hundreds of toppings” business. It was either a chili dog or it wasn’t.

My first-year suitemates had to reassure me, “Crystal. Those trucks will still be there in the winter.”

“But it’s so cold!”

“Don’t worry, they’ll be okay,” they replied with a comforting pat on my back.

“But–”

“Shh. It’s okay…” And that was that.

There was always this one guy at the corner of College and St. George, in front of Koffler Centre, that I would always go to. I was convinced his sausages were the best – back then, he had the cheese sausages, and everyoneknows that they’re absolute heaven. He still is the nicest hot dog guy I’ve ever met. Many of my classes and exams happened at that end of campus, so it became a thing for me to have a “lucky hot dog” before every exam.

Since then, the smell of grilled hot dogs has been etched into my mind. Every time I walk down St. George Street, I am reminded of all the hard work and harder times I’ve been through since I got here. Call it a literal walk down memory lane. It wasn’t not easy getting into U of T, and I daresay it’s even harder to stay in. When the going gets tough, I get going… to a hot dog stand. Its little things like a yummy piece of street meat during a study break that really helps me put things in perspective.

Overworked? Over stressed? Have a hot dog.

-Crystal

Interested in truck food? Join the Toronto truck food movement. They even came to U of T!

It’s that time again…

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This is always that bittersweet time of year when we say goodbye to the year’s bloggers, and say hello to a new summer blogger.

We’re so sorry to see our bloggers go! Chad, Desiree, Erin, Jennifer, Jon, Laura and Lori have spent the year revealing the amazing opportunities and experiences you can have at U of T, and I’ll miss them all. Thanks for your help everyone!

And with that in mind, please welcome our summer blogger, Crystal! Look for her posts every Wednesday.

- Chris Garbutt, lifeatuoft supervisor

 

Endings & beginnings

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My final post could not have come at a more opportune time. In the torrent of change and conflict and joy that has come in the last few months, I feel as if I have at last been reborn. It feels weird to write my final post so I’m trying not to overthink it – in the words of John Cage, “don’t try to create and analyze at the same time; they’re different processes.”

In almost every possible way, my world has inverted and its horizons have been stretched toward the abyss. I have meditated on the uncertainty of the paths of our lives, and have been shown so many ways in which my life can be deliberate, rebellious, compassionate, and kind.

We come to university to try and be something. Sometimes it is something that our family or friends or society has asked us to be. Sometimes it is the something that we believe our future selves to be, and we come here to articulate that. Often, though, we don’t know precisely why we are here. Or, upon our arrival, we realize that this place can give us radically different things than we initially believed to want or need.

It’s okay if university changes you. That means that it’s doing its job. It’s okay if you change your major over and over; if you grow each time; if an elective course or a chance meeting with a professor brings out a side of you that you hadn’t found yet. It’s also okay if you fail.

Not knowing you, reader, based on statistics alone I can say that at some point while you are here, you will struggle. There will be days where you will feel anxious, depressed, misunderstood, or alone. There will be other days that are bliss beyond compare; when you will find places and people and ways of living and ideas that seem to materialize from the ether and are ready to embrace you when you are ready to do the same. There will be classes in which you’ll excel, and there will be other times when you wonder how you’ve even gotten this far. You will lose yourself, sometimes. You’ll be tempted to dissolve into an identity on the basis of your gender, major, religion, socioeconomic class, history, or ethnicity. At these times, I hope you will remember two things. Firstly, that you will always be capable of more. Secondly, that you are enough, right now, exactly as you are. Enough.

Your GPA is high enough. You are a good enough writer or speaker or athlete to chase after the things you want to do. The people I’ve seen excel here weren’t always the best – they were just the least inhibited. They recognized how intensely free they are. Chances are, the people in your classes will probably really like you if you talk to them. Generally, people don’t want to hurt you, and if they do, you will survive. They will teach you to be forgiving yet unapologetic when the world calls for that sort of thing. You will find compassion in unexpected places.

It’s important that you don’t forget about who you are, because that person has been there for your whole life and is just waiting to flourish. Stop waiting. You must learn how to bloom where you’re planted. It is the greatest skill you’ll ever know – and besides, you’re in fertile soil.

Don’t go quietly. The things that you’re most afraid of are the ones that control you. If you’re uncomfortable with math, or with asking for what you need, or with saying “no” when you mean it, you need to realize these things. You need to practice them. This is a good place to practice and make mistakes. You need to know the kind of power that comes from finding the bridges that are your weaknesses, fortifying them, and crossing over to the other side.

And so, to everyone who has read my posts this year: thank you for sharing your time with me, it’s so strange to share my life with strangers; but more so, it is liberating. To those who I know personally – those who are the essence of “U of T” in my own mind – thank you for the lectures you made me attend, and the books you made me read, and all of the faith, wisdom, and empathy you could manage. There has been an incredible number of people who have truly shaken and shaped my world in ways far beyond the scope of this post. Everything that has happened – both good and bad – we must eventually release and let go completely, carrying only the ways that it has changed us. As strange and uncertain as it all feels, I am ready for this, and far more brave as I depart than when I arrived.

This is a very good thing. A lot of love and talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage.

Jennifer

A Stumble Down Memory Lane

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My unofficial anti-graduation photo courtesy of Cry School Yearbook:

I often think of a quote I came across by Pico Iyer in Room Magazine that began with “we travel most when we stumble.” The writer expanded on the phrase, saying her best travel experiences were the ones that were unplanned, unexpected and even uncomfortable at times. I couldn’t help but think of my own stumbling (and falling) this year. It hurt. It felt painful. There were moments when I was brought to depths of darkness I never knew existed within me. The journey was tough and uncontrollable. Luckily, when I stumbled, I had many crutches to help support me so I could continue my journey: family, friends, students, even professors. Who knew I could survive? I certainly didn’t feel I could in my worst moments.

My final post isn’t a warning to prepare for the worst but to prepare for the unexpected. What I am saying is if you think life is going to unfold in an order like A-B-C-D-etc, etc, you’re dead wrong (or an extremely boring person). Life is more like A-B-X-T-C-Y-Y-WHY?!?-O-K. Life is about the stumbles, the different paths you notice when you decide to take a risk and shoot off of the main road. I’d say U of T is a pretty mainstream road to head down as an undergraduate. It’s a road that many of us feel safe being on because we believe it will lead us to bigger and better things. In fact, a lot of students I know don’t want to leave U of T after four years because they feel so secure here. I think we all go through university at our own unique paces; some of us speed through U of T on cruise control as we listen to GPS voices telling us exactly what to do while others struggle to keep up with the pack. A few of us even want to fast track, racing towards the finish line, wherever that may be. We all envision final destinations, the dreamland of the future but there will be bumps, crashes and breakdowns along the way. That’s life.

During my own drive down the U of T highway, I’ve bypassed undergraduates who have crashed and burned, hit by disappointment and devastation over things that at the time, seemed major. One conversation in particular stands out in my mind. It happened last school year when I was walking through Queen’s Park with a fellow classmate and asked him what he was planning to do after graduation. He told me that after spending a year studying abroad at Oxford, he fell in love with the school (who wouldn’t?) and was applying to their incredibly competitive English Masters Programme. To increase his chances of getting into Oxford, he told me that he was applying to two different strands in the English programme.

“Where else have you applied?” I asked him.

“Nowhere else,” he said.

“Isn’t that a little risky?” I asked, sounding like an insurance salesman.

“It’s Oxford or nothing,” he retorted. And that was that.

I suppose I felt a little shocked by his attitude and that his future, his world, revolved around one school. In his mind, he was on a one-way road to Oxford. No turning back.

The thing is, he didn’t get accepted into Oxford. But I think that rejection was probably the best thing that ever happened to him. Yes, rejection can hurt in any situation and I’m sure he thought his ABC life plans were ruined but I think he became a stronger and more openminded person. Now he’s at another school in England and miraculously has a girlfriend. There are ups to the downs in life. Truly.

I think my favourite moments in life have been the ones where I have looked around and thought to myself, how did I get here?  The times when I’m pinching myself because I’ve realized that a month prior, I had no idea that I would be doing whatever I was doing in that moment. Those are my favourite times in life that I freeze in my mind while I continue to move forward. I’ve had a few of them while I’ve been studying at U of T. I live for those moments.

As many of the bloggers this year get ready to graduate, I’m being left in the dust because I dropped a credit requirement I needed for my degree. As I hit the button on ROSI to officially withdrawal from the course, I knew my decision to drop probably meant summer school or returning to school next year for a victory lap. It wasn’t something I was anticipating and I don’t know where it will lead me, but I kind of love that uncertainty.

I just want to extend my thanks to the readers of this blog, especially those who felt compelled to speak up and comment. Whether you’re continuing down the U of T route or are switching gears and graduating, I hope everyone has a safe and happy journey to wherever they want to be.

Erin

I’m going to tell you a secret

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I carry some secrets with me, I mean, I think its only human to have things you wish to only share with your inner self, or those closest to you. But what I want to tell you is something that yes, is close to my heart, but something that I also think you can benefit from. Something I wish I knew before I started university, something I wish somebody had told me. But, alas, the transition from innocence to experience is a solitary one.

Life isn’t easy. Ok, that I already knew, believe me. But, what I didn’t know, and what felt like a secret, was how many emotions are involved in the process of growing up. The ups and downs, the tears and smiles. For some reason I thought it would be so much easier, I expected a smooth ride into adulthood, at least after what felt like a turbulent adolescence. But, as we grow older, the disparity between the ups and downs grows bigger. The decisions we need to make are astronomic, the hearts that can break will fall into a million pieces, but the happiness can be insurmountable. We need to ask ourselves if the reward is worth the sacrifice, and university is a paradox in that way, because it can be seen as both a sacrifice and reward (at least for some).

Take the time in university to discover yourself; don’t let your own identity be kept secret from you. It’s not just about learning what you like to study, but learning about what things in life you want. Now that I’m on the brink of graduation, I look back at my x number of years in school, and I realize that I have overcome so much, I went from doing so badly in my first years to doing extremely well now. In my last year I have also figured out a small particle of truth about myself (now that’s just for me), perhaps because when we are faced with endings we force ourselves to reflect.

With graduation upon me I am getting kind of sentimental. Before, I couldn’t wait until I could leave, and don’t get me wrong, I still do, but with a bittersweet flavour in my heart. I spent so long here, I’ve grown attached to the certainty of classes, essays, stress and the few wonderful people I’ve gotten to know. My advice is to appreciate the experience while you are still here, and not let it pass you by. Get to know yourself so that when you are done your time at U of T, you feel confident in your experience. Have no regrets.

I want to say thank you to all of my readers for giving me the outlet to express myself, to my Upbeat team for inspiring me, and to Andrea, you helped me rediscover my passion for writing, I will be forever grateful.

Desiree