(5-minute read)
By Natasja Vanderberg, Manager, Family Care Office
May 2026
Around us at U of T, we—as adults—are trying to learn how to have difficult conversations more thoughtfully. We’ve been encouraged to work toward (re)building “a culture of civil discourse, in which mutual understanding is possible and even the most contentious issues can be discussed rationally and peacefully.”[i]
Some say rebuilding. I wonder whether I’ve ever truly learned—or practiced—discussing contentious issues in a rational and peaceful way.
As a parent, I find myself asking: how will my child learn to have difficult conversations? How can I teach him to be proud of his identity while also remaining humble and open to others—especially those who are different from him? How about people who might feel judgment about who he is? How do I teach something I’m still learning myself?
These questions were already simmering when I learned that U of T’s Provostial Advisor on Civil Discourse, Professor Randy Boyagoda, would be giving a virtual talk through the Toronto District School Board’s Parent/Caregiver and Community Engagement Office: Civil Discourse: Learning to Discuss, Not to Dismiss (1 hour and 18 minutes). I would recommend it to anyone, especially parents. In the talk, Professor Boyagoda speaks both as an academic working to cultivate civil discourse and as a parent navigating these same challenges.
Since watching it, I’ve been thinking about epistemic humility—the idea of recognizing the limits of our own knowledge and remaining open to the possibility that we might be wrong. But how do we hold that mindset while also maintaining our convictions? How do I model for my child what it means to care deeply about something, while still being genuinely open to others’ perspectives?
One small step I’ve tried is not avoiding difficult topics—either directly with my child or within his hearing. He is always listening. Perhaps if he hears adults attempting to engage in challenging conversations respectfully, he will learn not to fear them—and will feel better prepared to approach them with curiosity and care.
Resources: Supporting Respectful Conversations at Home
Children’s Books (via Toronto Public Library)
- The Day You Begin – Jacqueline Woodson
- The Sandwich Swap – Queen Rania
- Say Something! – Peter H. Reynolds
- This Book Is Anti-Racist – Tiffany Jewell
For Parents & Caregivers
- Facing History & Ourselves (Canada) – Tools for discussing complex topics thoughtfully
- MediaSmarts – Navigating online conversations and misinformation
- AboutKidsHealth (by The Hospital for Sick Children) – Evidence-based guidance on child development and communication
- Making Caring Common (Harvard) – Practical tips for fostering civil discourse at home
- Child Mind Institute – Supporting kids in managing conflict and disagreement
Practical Tools to Try with Kids
- iCivics (Ages 6–11): Differences, Disagreements, and Democracy
- Doing Good Together: Simple ways to build “civil conversation skills” at home
Watch & Reflect