Nothing reminds you of how quickly time passes quite like sending your child off to high school. A few years ago when my oldest started Grade 9, it felt like a big transition for all of us, especially his dad and I. On the surface at least, my son wasn’t too bothered about the whole thing. Some of that may be how well the school system prepares them for the move, and part may be he own way of presenting an indifferent face to the world regardless of how he’s feeling.

If you have a teen making their first foray off into the world of high school this fall, it’s likely that you’ve already been thinking and talking about the change. For our family, the preparation began almost a year before our son was due to start grade 9. We went to information nights in the fall to explore his options (schools with special focuses, such as the arts or science & technology, for example) and helped him select his courses in February. There was also a chance for him to tour the school with his class in the spring, as well as an information night for parents. His grade 8 teacher spent a lot of time encouraging more independent work habits and the phrase “when you’re in high school . . .” was a common start to many sentences in the classroom.

Photo Credit: Middle School Students Sitting In Hallway; CC Image courtesy of Penn State on Flickr

No matter how much preparation you and your child do, though, starting high school is still a big step with a lots of changes: students rotate for all of their classes, high schools are often bigger than elementary schools, there is a lot more expected of students in and out of the classroom in terms of behaviour, responsibility, and work load, and a number of elementary schools often feed into a high school, so there are likely to be lots of new faces and new social pressures.

While this all sounds a bit daunting for both you and your teen, it is doable. That’s not to say there won’t be bumps along the way – his first high school report card was a shocker for my kid who coasted through grade school with decent marks for relatively little effort – but with planning, awareness, regular check-ins with your child, and building a connection with the school through the teachers and administrators, it can be managed.

Some of the things that helped my son (and us) out include:

• Talking. Mostly it was us talking and our son rolling his eyes in true teen fashion, but he hasn’t gotten into too much trouble and is mostly doing ok academically, so some of it must have sunk in. We’ve also been sure to chat about how things are going when we’re with other friends who have teens in the same grade.

• There can be a lot of pressure to fit into certain groups in high school, or to be part of the cool crowd. Encourage your child to join activities or clubs that interest them, stay connected with their friends from middle school, and talk to them about your own experiences in high school. Yes, things are different now in many ways, but some things haven’t changed.

• Talk to your teen about social media and how to use it appropriately, how to stay safe online and what you expect from them. We have the password to my son’s e-mail and Facebook accounts so we can keep an eye on what he’s posting and what his friends are posting as well. This has led to some conversations about what’s appropriate and acceptable in the last couple of years.

• Just as you did with your middle-schooler, set them up for success. You know your child best, so can help them work with their tendencies. If they don’t already have a specific place to do homework, set something up. The dining room table may not work anymore (if that was your teens’ spot). A quiet, out-of-the-way place if possible may work for your child. If you don’t have internet access at home, make sure they know where they can connect in your community (the public library is always great) as they are likely to have to do research projects. Help them create a schedule that takes into account their extra-curricular activities, allows for down time, and still gives them time to complete homework.

• Being involved in the school community. High schools don’t use parent volunteers as much as elementary schools, but being sure to go to ‘meet the teacher’ nights, calling to talk to teachers if there are issues, and connecting with the vice-principal if needed can help you stay informed and on top of things.

• Lay out some ground rules. There will be parties your teen will want to attend and you need to have a set of guidelines that you are comfortable with and which are enforceable. Revisit issues such as dating, sex, drinking, and drugs. Your 14 year-old will be sharing the hallways, cafeteria and school grounds with 18 and 19 year-olds.

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. When we sensed that our son was struggling soon after the beginning of grade 9, we connected with a counsellor who was able to work with him around a variety of school and social issues.

• As hard as it is to see your child struggle or not do their best, you also have to take a small step back and let them figure some things out on their own. For us, it’s been reminding our son of the importance of studying and offering him help, but then backing off when he’s refused our overtures. This has meant some grades that have come in lower than what he’s capable of, but the effort has to come from him, and because he’s motivated.

Here are some additional resources to help you and your teen through this transition:

Canadian Living
Kids Help Phone
TeensHealth
Mind Your Mind
TDSB People for Education Parent Tip Sheets
Toronto Catholic District School Board
Peel District School Board