Persona – Theo

I'm about to graduate this year and there’s a light at the end of the tunnel: I’ve already got a job lined up at a startup that I’m excited about. I only have three mandatory courses left, but keeping up with deadlines feels impossible these days. I’m scared I’m going to fail one of my courses and won’t graduate on time. I moved closer to campus this year, but I still have to take the bus and it’s not making things easier. Last year, my route was longer, though I found that taking the GO train was less grating on my well-being. The bus is packed and so loud – every sound hits me at once, and I can’t tune it out. Sounds keep piling up in my brain throughout the entire commute. The bus is also a lot bumpier, and I feel the vibrations of the engine more, which gives me headaches.

When I’m on campus I often look for a quiet place that won’t overstimulate me so I can sit down for a while and ground myself. The library used to be my go-to place, but now it’s just too crowded, and I can’t concentrate with all the noise. When students whisper to each other in their little groups it gets to me. It’s quiet, but somehow it’s even harder to ignore than louder noises. I’ve been trying to find another quiet space because I don’t think it’s my place to demand that other students quiet down just because I feel bad. Sometimes I try to book a study room for myself, but it’s been hard as many students need them right now. Everything on campus feels so overwhelming right now. It’s like I can’t keep up no matter what I do. I’m trying, but honestly, staying focused in class has been a struggle lately.

I wish there was a place on campus where I could recharge and decompress when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I feel useless on campus when I spend most of my day trying to stay focused on tasks. I’m no stranger to having to self-advocate for my needs, but it would be nice if I didn’t have to do it all the time. I hope things settle down soon and I’ll be able to catch up on schoolwork and graduate on time.