STUDENT PERSONAS
Fictional representations of real student data
RAJESH
He/him
5th year student studying social sciences
Has a traumatic brain injury
Returning after a two year leave of absence
“I wish that I could be easier on myself and find a new way to understand what success means for me.”
I’ve wanted to play in an orchestra ever since my parents brought me to my first Toronto Symphony performance at age seven. The idea of being able to play the music I love for a living felt like a dream. Two years ago, I thought I was about to graduate and begin my Master’s of music. Instead, I'm in my fifth year of undergrad in the Faculty of Music still recovering from the traumatic brain injury I had after a ski accident in my third year.
On the day of the accident, I lost consciousness after falling and woke up confused and nauseous with a headache, unable to move my fingers and toes. At first, I thought the discomfort would go away. But in the months since my headaches and difficulties with coordination have persisted. It took me a whole year to be able to resume schooling and it’s been hard to handle this sudden disruption to my plans. Sometimes, I can’t get up in the morning because my head is constantly ringing. Sometimes the sound goes away, but then it comes back when I am in class. It’s the worst. I feel less capable after returning, and watching my classmates graduate without me made me feel so behind.
My frustration reached a high last week during our first three-hour orchestra rehearsal of the year. Before my accident, I did so many three-hour rehearsals and took pride in my strong focus and stamina. Coming back to rehearsal for the first time, I felt exhausted and frazzled. My hands tremored while holding the strings of my cello and the bright lights bothered me too much to focus on the conductor. I remembered looking at all the other students, realizing how much younger they are and how they all played better than me. I am struggling to identify with the musician I am now – someone who plays wrong notes and misses subtle cues. It feels like the dreams that I worked so hard for are falling apart in front me, and I’m starting to doubt whether I’ll ever play in an orchestra.
Even though I’m happy to be back in the program, it hurts that I can’t live up to my old standards. I wish that I could be easier on myself and find a new way to understand what success means for me.
