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Yesterday, we had a great orientation event for incoming graduate students to U of T. One of our speakers was Heather McGhee Peggs, the manager of the Conflict Resolution Centre where graduate students can speak to peers about any problem, big or small. Today, one of the G2G peer advisors, Natalie, offers her advice on how to avoid and deal with conflict in grad school. 

“Starting graduate school is an exciting new experience that hundreds of incoming students will face this September. However, graduate school can also be a source of many challenging situations, such as building student-supervisor relationships, heavy course work, applications for scholarships and grants, steep financial obligations, new housing conditions, and family pressures.

It can be daunting and intimidating to have to think about juggling all the new responsibilities that come with being a graduate student, and it’s almost inevitable that at times it may feel like you’re going to crack under the pressure. These types of high stress high pressure situations become a breeding ground for conflict to manifest. So what can you do if this happens to you?

From the perspective of someone who has spent 4 years in graduate school, and the better part of the last year as a grad-to-grad (G2G) peer conflict resolution advisor at the Conflict Resolution Centre for Graduate Students at UofT, I hope these tips can shed some light on how to approach conflict during graduate school and beyond.

1. Don’t let it paralyze you

The first part is probably the hardest. It’s much easier to avoid conflict and hope that it goes away on its own somehow, than face it head on. Avoidance is in fact a valid conflict approach in the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, and may be conducive in certain types of conflict situations, provided it is the conscious choice. However, for the most part avoiding conflict simply lets it fester, and prevents you from moving forward. This type of inaction can lead to getting stuck in a constant cycle of avoidance that ultimately results in a lot of wasted time and efforts.

2. Break problems down into smaller components

The key to helping overcome conflict paralysis is to break the larger problem down into component parts. Oftentimes conflict is very multifactorial, and consists of more than one root cause. Tackling a big problem can seem like a giant mountain to climb, but breaking it into smaller component problems can allow to target these smaller pieces one at a time.

3. Ask for help

Don’t be shy or nervous about asking for help with conflict resolution. Effective conflict resolution is a skill you need to learn and develop. Most people haven’t ever received any formal training in this skill and find it difficult to effectively work through conflict on their own. Recognizing that it might be beneficial to seek out help from those with this skillset can save you time and energy in the long run.

4. Get multiple perspectives

Given that conflict can be multifactorial and therefore very challenging to solve, multiple resources may be needed to effectively work thought it. That is why the CRC encourages students to seek out support from the network of resources available at UofT to help students work through the various aspects of their concern, e.g. the Academic Success Centre, the Centre for International Experience (CIE), ELWS and Accessibility Services among many others.

5. Think about what you really want as your end goal

Ask yourself, what are you really trying to achieve? Similarly, consider where you may be willing to be flexible; sometimes it’s not possible to get everything exactly the way you want it. For example, when discussing expectations for work with your supervisor, it’s important to know the areas where you are willing to bend and those where you are not. Similarly, when thinking about whether to escalate an issue or formalize a complaint, think about possible outcomes and how they may impact you in your future studies. Timing can be critically important, if for example you only have a few months of school prior to graduating.

6. Do a dry run

Once you have moved past the point of getting unstuck and decided to have that conversation with your supervisor, or decided to send that email to the department, it can be valuable to do a test run with someone you trust. Read you email aloud or have someone you know talk through that conversation, and point out possible outcomes of how it might go, or the implications of using specific wording and phrasing. G2G advisors can offer a valuable resource in helping you work through that first conversation.

7. Seek solutions, not just wins

Finally, it’s easy to look at conflict from a personal position where you seek a win for yourself. However, this may not always be conducive to obtaining the best outcome for your future objectives. Think about how you might meet the other person’s objectives, and use that as a negotiating tool. Positively resolving conflict can help build relationships and open opportunities for improved solutions.

The CRC is a unique place for graduate students to seek out advice and coaching from a G2G Peer Advisor. As a G2G, I have learned how complex graduate student conflict can be, and how G2Gs can be a valuable resource to graduate students who are struggling to navigate the intricacies of their complex problems. There’s no such thing as “too small a problem” when your graduate education is on the line, and resolving conflict quickly and effectively can save valuable time, energy and resources.

So if you’re a grad student, whether you’re just starting or returning, and are having a difficult time with any type of conflict during your studies, consider stopping by for a chat with a G2G peer conflict resolution advisor. http://gradcrc.utoronto.ca/

 

For more information and advice on how to better navigate conflict during graduate studies follow us on Twitter @G2GUofT.  Stay tuned on Twitter for advice from current grad student to incoming grad students this Fall!”

As always, stay tuned to this page for more great information about settling in to grad school at U of T.